If I Were a Lizard…

If I were a lizard I wouldn’t have to worry about whether I was raising my son to be a good human.

If I were a lizard I wouldn’t have to worry about whether or not I was raising my son differently than my mother raised me and I definitely wouldn’t have to worry about the guilt that accompanied the fact that I might want to raise him differently.

If I were a lizard I wouldn’t have to worry about having a tidy house or managing my anxiety that turns so easily to anger when I’m overwhelmed…often triggered by an untidy house.

If I were a lizard I wouldn’t have to worry about stress eating or eating just because something looks, tastes, or smells good.

If I were a lizard I wouldn’t have to worry about finding the right therapist and breaking up with a therapist who isn’t quite right.

If I were a lizard I wouldn’t have to worry about the pressure to be perfect at work or to sacrifice my family, my life, my health for my job.

If I were a lizard I definitely wouldn’t have to worry about watching too much TV or being on my phone too much.

If I were a lizard I wouldn’t overheat and get super grumpy during the summer months, causing me to overreact and become impatient with those I love.

But…

If I were a lizard I wouldn’t be a music teacher and would miss out on all the fun moments of watching students play and learn.

If I were a lizard I wouldn’t have my sweet son and get to watch him grow into a caring human being.

If I were a lizard I wouldn’t be able to cook my favorite meals or order pizza or attempt to grow vegetables.

If I were a lizard I wouldn’t be able to sing and harmonize with my favorite music.

If I were a lizard I wouldn’t get to take pictures of my favorite moments to look back on later.

If I were a lizard I would not get to experience the beauty, chaos, and reality of being a human being.

Some days I think the lizard has it better, but other days I realize that I don’t have to worry about accidentally being stepped on or eaten by creatures larger than me. If I were a lizard I wouldn’t have to deal with human problems, but they would only be replaced by lizard problems. Maybe my therapist was right…being a lizard sounds great-until you ARE the lizard.

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